'Good luck getting her to pay': Couple asks if MIL should pay them back after she suddenly changed her mind

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 27, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

You think you know a person… This woman and her husband got the surprise of a life time when his mother changed her mind about their living situation. 

U/AdventurousIdea1210 shared that she and her husband have been living with his mother for months. It was a strategic plan — the MIL said she would sell her house to them in the future. She kept the mortgage in her name, but at the same time, she encouraged her son and daughter-in-law to make some pricey additions to the home. Since the OP was under the impression she'd be living in the MIL's home forever, she was happy to pay expenses, build a fire pit, and spend thousands creating a yard they'd love for years to come. 

But owning this home just wasn't in the cards for this couple. The MIL changed her mind after a breakup with her boyfriend. She's just not going to leave the home, meaning all of her son and DIL's work was to improve her home, not their own. The OP is naturally frustrated about all this, and in the comments, people were saying she wasn't to blame, but that she naively made an expensive mistake. 

Up next, this guy was determined to do the bare minimum at work — all because his boss is a major liar. 

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  • 01
    Human - 'The plan didn't work out... AITA for wanting to be reimbursed?'
    via Roselyn Tirado
  • 02
    Human body - r/AmItheAsshole u/AdventurousIdea1210 AITA/am I entitled for wanting to be reimbursed?
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 03
    Font - My husband (33M) & I (30F) have been married for almost 8 years. We spent our first year of marriage in an apartment, & then started house hunting with the little bit of money we had saved, & planned to use all the first time home buyer benefits we could.
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 04
    Font - My MIL was in a serious relationship, & was planning on moving out of state with her boyfriend. MIL offered to sell us her house for the remaining mortgage amount rather than the full value of the home, & to keep the existing mortgage so we would just make the payments to her until we chose to buy her out & apply for a new mortgage in our name. We all decided that rather than renewing our lease for another year (the only term option), we would move in with her in July until she bought a h
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 05
    Font - While we lived there we paid all utilities (ridiculously expensive, talking $300 water bills), internet, cable, streaming, most of the groceries, etc. We cooked and cleaned (not always to her OCD standards but clean), took care of our space, etc. She paid the mortgage. She would always encourage us to make changes around the home for ourselves, and wanted us to build a fire pit in the backyard for us and our friends to use. We built a $1,000 area in the back yard with a fire pit, stone be
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 06
    Font - In Dec, while hubs & I are on a small trip, she calls & tells us she and BF broke up and she's not moving. We immediately start house hunting again, & finally purchase a home in June. Needless to say, the last months were a little rough; we hadn't been saving all we could have been due to doing improvements on the house & paying her ridiculous utilities (that were almost the cost of the rent of our apartment) because the plan was for us to just take over the mortgage when she moved.
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 07
    Font - When we are moving out, I ask if we can be reimbursed for the work we did to the house, since it increased her home value. (She's well off, it wouldn't have been hard/detrimental for her to reimburse us). She calls me an entitled b & that I should be thankful she let us live with her for almost a year so we could "save for a house". Almost as though it wasn't her idea for us to move in, do updates, and purchase her home when she moved. And that due to her failed relationship (due to her o
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 08
    Font - Alarmed_Jellyfish555 Certified Proctologist [29] NTA You were completely taken advantage of, and I'm not sure I believe she ever intended to sell you the house. You need legal advice though, not advice about whether or not you're the a (you most certainly are not).
    via u/Alarmed_Jellyfish555
  • 09
    Font - AdventurousIdea1210 OP It's in the past at the point, and she's already sold the house (she moved for her job a year or so after we moved out). Kinda got her karma though bc she sold when the market was way down, right before it went through the roof a few years ago. She had to sell for about $100k less than she would have if she had waited literally a month when the market skyrocketed
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 10
    Font - zwergschnauzer ain [187] C NTA. These sort of complex agreements need to be in writing and need to be reviewed by a lawyer. If that had happened a lawyer would have insured that there was a clause in the agreement explaining what would happen if MIL changed her mind. But none of this happened so you now have a clusterf. You can ask but good luck getting her to pay.
    via u/zwergschnauzer
  • 11
    Font - AdventurousIdea1210 OP Yeah I'm seriously kicking myself for getting nothing in writing. It's not a big deal that we couldn't buy the house; don't get me wrong it was a bummer but it's her home, it's not like I was going to try to force her to move and still sell it to us! We bought a house and moved as soon as we could when we were told we would no longer be able to buy the home from her. It just sucks that we were encouraged to do work to improve the house for ourselves and are just out
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 12
    Font - cjennmom As Aficionado [11] NTA since that was above and beyond + you had reasonable expectations of owning the house and you wouldn't have put that much time and money into a mere rental.
    via u/cjennmom
  • 13
    Font - HangryValkyrie Partas ipant [1] NTA, she said she wanted you guys to do it, and you did. Above and beyond. You also had to move again due to her personal life change, after being told you could buy her out.
    via u/HangryValkyrie
  • 14
    Font - NomNom83WasTaken Ctain [187] INFO: Did you and your husband discuss this before you approached your MIL? How did you phrase the question? How much net reimbursement are we talking about and how did you calculate it? (Not every home improvement is a $1:$1 increase in home value)
    via u/NomNom83WasTaken
  • 15
    Font - AdventurousIdea1210 OP I did discuss with him. He said he didn't think she would do it but I could ask. I just asked to be reimbursed for the projects we did, I didn't mention a number to her. I did want the total amount I paid since we had to move out and could no longer benefit from the work we did. I know it probably didn't increase her value the same amount, but I just wanted to be reimbursed since we would no longer be buying the home as planned, and she was the one telling us to do
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 16
    Font - Early-Light-864 Pooperintendant [62] This. Building fancy stuff in the backyard isn't adding much value. I'm paying for beds, baths and kitchen. Everything else is basically pass/fail.
    via u/Early-Light-864
  • 17
    Font - AngeloPappas Commander in Cheeks [216] NTA - First off, what a stupid idea this was...totally set yourself up to get screwed over to keep the existing mortgage so we would just make the payments to her until we chose to buy her out & apply for a new mortgage in our name But you are not an a for this, just naive. MIL clearly is an a She used you and basically stole thousands of dollars from you.
    via u/AngeloPappas
  • 18
    Font - AdventurousIdea1210 OP I agree! Young, dumb, and too trusting of family for sure. An expensive lesson, but a lesson learned nonetheless!
    via u/AdventurousIdea1210
  • 19
    Font - dazed1984 A Aficionado [15] Why were the utilities so expensive? 43 + Reply Share AdventurousIdea1210 OP She had a pool that she filled, and she showered, ran the dishwasher, laundry multiple times a day.
    via u/dazed1984
  • 20
    Font - atmasabr A: ΝΤΑ Enthusiast [7] I just think maybe you didn't argue your case well enough. "When we are moving out, I ask if we can be reimbursed for the work we did to the house, since it increased her home value." That is, if you didn't add this last part in your pitch, "her idea for us to move in, do updates, and purchase her home when she moved." In other words, you added value to the home, because you believed that value would go to you. It went to hear instead; you lost your investme
    via u/atmasabr

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